Mr. Must Have The Last Word…Again And Again And Again

My Monday morning began with a message:

“I’ve had a life changing event occur and I am cleaning up my life…including my friends…if you want to stay my friend let me know…if not…”

This message was sent by someone I had been talking to a few months ago. Why did we stop talking?

He constantly whined about his ex-girlfriend.

Said he wanted to find another woman just like her. *cringe*

Constantly tried to figure out why he was not good enough for her.

Constantly put down her current boyfriend and said, “She will never love him as much as she loved me.” (Which really means he will never love anyone as much as he did her.)

Constantly put himself down…said he knew he was unattractive when in reality, he is a very handsome man.

I told him from the beginning I would NOT date him because he was hung up on his ex and had too many issues to work through. When I reminded him of this at one point and told him we are not in a relationship his response was, “What do you mean by that?”

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That was my breaking point. I cracked under the all the frustration of trying to communicate with him as if he were a normal, sane person. I told him I was not his therapist and could not be his friend and I was not going to sugar coat it…it was all him.

Even saying all that, I continued to get messages:

“Are you mad at me?”

“I’m doing much better now.”

“Don’t you want to talk to me anymore?”

“I won’t bug you anymore.”

“I’m confused now.”

“Why do I feel so alone all of the sudden?”

“It’s ok…I wouldn’t blame you if you didn’t want to talk to me.”

Which brings me back to this morning’s message to which I did not respond so a few hours later I received, “GOOD BYE!!”

I only wish it were good bye but I know in a week or two I will receive yet another message. He can have the last word over and over and over again. I have no desire to respond to his messages or engage him in a conversation to find out what his ‘life changing event’ is.

Just leave me alone!!!!

Where are the normal men? I’m on the verge of needing my own therapist!!

Mr. I Have Not Learned My Lesson

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Not long after my divorce a co-worker kept trying to fix me up with one of her husband’s friends.

I ended up meeting him one day for a reason totally unrelated and he asked me to dinner. During dinner (I sure seem to learn a lot during meals) he told me his divorce was not final. His wife left him for another man and he was clearly not over her. I could tell he was very uncomfortable. I told him that he really should not have asked me out because he was still going through a divorce and should not even consider dating until he worked through his feelings. That totally put him at ease and we had a great time and decided to remain friends. (This was one of those instances where we really did become friends.)

We hung out occasionally, watched movies, had dinner, etc. Our realtionship was strictly platonic. I learned that when he was in his early 20’s he caused a horrific car accident from driving drunk and ended up killing someone. He spent two years in jail for involuntary manslaughter. He lost his first wife and 2 young children because of this. She moved to another state and he never saw them again.

I did not judge him for this as we all do stupid things, especially in our youth, (this had happened over 20 years ago) and the important thing is that we learn and grow from our mistakes. It’s something he had to live with for the rest of his life.

Late one Saturday evening, I get a phone call from Mr. I Have Not Learned My Lesson. He wanted to know if he could come over and have sex with me. His speech was slurred and he was obviously drunk. The worst part about it…he was sitting in a parking lot two miles from my house…yes, he was driving while intoxicated. On his way to my house he had pulled over to call me. Thank God he wasn’t driving drunk AND trying to talk on the phone!!! I am also thankful he did not just show up on my doorstep in that condition.

I was furious. I told him he was better off staying where he was and sleeping it off because I was not coming after him and I was calling the police. No, I was not going to be his savior and pick him up and bring him to my house. The man was 6’4″, drunk and wanting sex. I knew better than to subject myself to that lethal combination.

I found out later that he actually did sleep in his truck that night but we never spoke again after that. I have zero tolerance for drunks and alcoholics.

Mr. Dog In Heat

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Yet another ‘tail’ from the online dating files.

Earlier this year I agreed to have lunch with a man I met online. I should have known it would go badly when he asked me to name five of my favorite restaurants and then he chose one he liked instead.

During the course of lunch, his gaze strayed out the window…tongue wagging…slobbering drool. I turned around to see what had captured his attention only to see teenage girls standing in the parking lot. I said, “Are you seriously drooling over those young girls?” His response, “I’m a leg man. When I see girls in shorts I just can’t help myself.” *twitch* *twitch* (just like a dog in heat looking for a piece of leg)

I excused myself, left him sitting there with his tongue hanging out of his mouth and went to the restroom to regain some composure and not go all ‘crazy bitch’ on him. (meant in the female dog sense of course)

When I came back to the table and sat down…preparing to end this date in a dignified manner Mr. Dog In Heat said, “Could you tell I was looking at your a$$ as you walked to the bathroom?

ARE YOU KIDDING ME!!?? $^$#@@*(&&^%$#$&(_+(*&^%%$$

How old was Mr. Dog In Heat? 59 years old. That’s 418.9 in dogs years.

I cannot believe that I actually thought a man 16 years my senior would be different than any other man I seem to attract. I have no desire to teach an old dog new tricks. I did however walk away with a little extra wag in my tail so he could howl at the moon in lament that evening.

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(With all that being said, I know male dogs don’t really go into heat but it sounded good for this particular manimal.)

Mr. You Hurt My Ex-Wife’s Feelings

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(SUBMITTED STORY)

This is about a man I had grown up with in the same town.  He was a tad younger. {As my friend says….I was a cougar before being a cougar was cool.} I was full force in the dating world………..completely divorced and making my own money. I decided NOT to say no when this guy asked me out for the 7th time. I enjoyed our dates. We liked the same movies………laughed at the same punch lines plus he was cute.
Back then, my dates had about a 6-week shelf life. Generally it took me a while to figure out if something was wrong.
It started out with a story about a previous girlfriend. He explained that when they first had sex, she cried. Not having any desire to take it to that level in the first place – any possibility of that disappeared shortly thereafter. Still yet, I continued going out with him from time to time (putting that comment down to his youth and ignorance). THEN  he began to tell me that he and his ex-wife were ‘friends’ and sometimes he would stay at her place. (I snickered inside as I began to plan my escape from this brainless fool.)
One day he calls me and begins yelling at me. I say, “WHAT THE HEY!!?!?!”
He said his ex-wife saw me and I did not wave at her.
WHAT!?! SAY WHAT!?!?!?! the twitches begin………..
I explained to him that I did not even know his ex-wife. He said I used to live near her. THEN he proceeded to tell me that he was furious with me because I had hit on her brother years ago. (I felt like I had entered a type of sanitorium that allowed patients to roam free.)
After further investigation I realized that while I was married I did live about a mile away from where his wife was raised. I also figured out that her brother was the extremely pimply-faced 16 yr old that was running a cash register at a store I bought gas from. I was 25 at that time, with children, and if I even noticed anything about him, it was to smile in pity at him and hope that he, one day, meets Noxema.
So lets call this 6 week relationship ‘Dirtbag’.
Dirtbag then comes to my apartment. I stand blocking him in the doorway as he continues to nag me for not talking to his ex. I tell him to leave……..beat it………vamanose…………I don’t want to see you again Captain Insano!
I head to work feeling relieved that he is now a part of my past. When I arrived home, my phone was ringing…….I decided not to answer it. He redialed every 3 minutes for hours. Finally, I pick up the phone and say things not allowed on this blog ending in stay away from me! He called so late into the night that I had to take the phone off the hook!
The next day as I was walking out the door to go to work there he stood……..crying like a  baby……..begging me to talk to him. I told him ‘NO’ in my most cold-hearted tone. I explained to him that you cannot have a girlfriend who gets in trouble for not talking to an ex-wife and they are both psycho and should get back together. Then I leave for work.
That day I received the most beautiful white basket full of flowers. The basket was so gorgeous with ceramic roses of all colors on the front. I miss it. The little girl I gave it to smiled so big.
That night he called and asked if I had gotten it. I said yes. He asked if I liked it. I said yes………and hung up……taking the phone off the hook because the psycho starting the calling process again.
The next day I received 2 dozen roses. I could barely carry those home from work. I ripped off all of the petals and enjoyed my first rose bath. It was wonderful!
Did it make me think more of him? No because he called and told me he spent $72 on the roses and that should prove how sorry he was.
I said Don’t worry baby………I already know how SORRY you are.
It took a threat of a restraining order and a couple of large friends to make him stop calling me. That was about 20 years ago and I saw him a few months ago. I didn’t even recognize him but he knew me instantly. My daughter later told me that he watched me walk away and looked as though he might cry.
Deliver me from those type………..PLEASE!
Scary but true………….
Scooter in Virgina

Mr. *&$@^?!!

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For me, Facebook has been a personal disaster. I have been contacted by too many ex boyfriends and men in general looking for (insert whatever you want here).

One such disaster happened last summer. A guy I had known for years ‘friended’ me and we began to talk via Facebook and on the phone over the course of the next two months. We caught up on our lives and shared photos of our families, etc. He asked me if I would like to go to dinner the next time I came back home for a visit. I accepted.

My next visit home we had a date set for that Saturday evening. I spent Thursday evening and all day Friday visiting with family. Friday evening he called me. He was almost yelling at me saying he could not stand knowing I was in town and he had to wait until Saturday to see me. His behavior was very disconcerting to me but it was nothing compared to what he said!!!

Mr. *&$@^?!! actually said, “I have been thinking about you so much that I have looked at your daughter’s photo probably 100 times today.” (my 16 year old daughter) I was silent. (for the moment) He continued, “Please don’t think badly of me. I just can’t bear to look at your photo because you’re too beautiful.” W T F

%^$#(*()&%^#@$%^&*()++)*&^$@##$%&*()_(&^$##$^*)*&*)$#&$&(__(*^%$#%&&%#@@#%^&*)(*&^%$@!@$%^^&*)_(*&^%##@#%^^&*

If this conversation had not taken place on the phone I would have gone to jail because I would have punched him square in the face…over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over again!!!!!

Mr. Huh?

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I recently had a date with a man I met online. Over the course of dinner I found out his ex wife’s brother’s ex wife is married to my ex husband.

Are you confused yet? I will draw you a picture…

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I don’t make this stuff up. It really happens to me. This one was a little too close for comfort.