I went to a restaurant / bar in my hometown last night with one of my best friends. We always meet up for dinner when I’m visiting but this time we decided to try a different place…27 Groundhogs (name has been changed to protect an innocent animal).
We always have fun regardless of where we are and we were in rare form last night. We had a lot of catching up to do so we were there for 4 hours. This ensured multiple trips to the restroom which was located right beside the bar.
As I made my way to the bathroom, on one such occasion, I ran into an old classmate. He was obviously two sheets to the wind and asked me to sit and talk with him on my way back out. As I came out of the bathroom I found that he had moved two barstools over in a far corner and was sitting there with a huge drunken grin on his face patting ‘my stool’ for me…
I sat down with him and we talked about our kids. His youngest daughter is my niece’s best friend and she has been to my house before when my family comes for visits.
The conversation was awkward with him being drunk so I told him I had to get back to my friend and I left.
Probably 30 minutes later he comes meandering through the restaurant and sits at the table next to ours and asks me to come sit with him and talk. I went over to the table and told him I really didn’t want to leave my friend but he could come sit with us. He excuses himself to go to the restroom and says he’ll be back. When he comes back he sits down beside my friend and starts talking to us. At this point I realize he didn’t even remember our previous conversation let alone who I was. When I told him who I was we had the entire conversation about our families all over again.
At that point he turns to my friend and tells her what a great laugh and pretty eyes she has. As she’s giving me the ‘what the hell have you gotten me into look’ he asks her if she lives around there and where she works. She tells him. They talk about her job a little.
He turns his head for a moment, turns back to her and says, “So, do you live or work in this area?” They have pretty much the same conversation all over again and at this point I’m already making mental notes for this story.
He asked me AGAIN if I lived around there and I reminded him that I did not and his daughter had been to visit me before. I had reminded him previously (at least twice) that I had 3 kids and my friend remarked that she had 3 kids as well.
So he turns to me and says, “So you have 7 kids?” I said, “No, I don’t have 7 kids.” My friend chimes in and says, “No, she has 47 kids!!” I kicked her under the table. His mouth fell open and he remarked, “Oh my God really? I hope they are all in a classroom.”
I said, “No they aren’t. They all have a different baby daddy and I’m not looking for yet another baby daddy.”
As he’s sitting there with his mouth still hanging open my friends says, “If you think she gets around you should know I have 87 kids!!”
I swear I not making this up but 2 minutes later he’s asking us how many kids we have and if we are married.
He went to the restroom again and I told my friend I felt like we were trapped in the movie Groundhog Day.
He comes back to the table and when he sits down he started vigorously rubbing inside his pocket. I’m sitting there thinking ‘is he doing what it looks like he’s doing’ because he was rubbing pretty hard and fast!!
He stood up and shoved his hand back in his pocket and I was really worried about what he might pull out…
He pulled $25 out of his pocket (whew) and said he was buying us drinks. We thanked him but told him we didn’t want drinks as we were drinking tea. He said we offended him and he couldn’t allow us to buy him a beer and him not return the favor. Hmmmmm…we didn’t buy him a beer. When we told him we didn’t buy his beer he sat there and stared at the beer in front of him, puzzled, trying to figure out where it came from.
At one point he asked my friend for her phone number and she remarked, “BR549”.
He told us he was getting a divorce and had been separated for 4 years. I happen to know that’s not true but that didn’t stop him from insisting that my friend put his number in her phone. And he watched her do it to make sure she got it in there.
Needless to say, we finally made our escape and I’m sure she can elaborate more on the things he whispered in her ear if she chooses to comment on this story.
I’m so thankful when I woke up this morning to NOT be sitting in the restaurant all over again re-living last night!!