Mr. Donut Tell My Girlfriend



I woke up in the middle of the night to a call that I didn’t recognize. I usually don’t answer numbers I don’t know but when it rang a second time I thought it might be an emergency. I answered the phone and it was my next door neighbor, Travis.

“Is everything okay?” I said.

“Yeah, everything’s fine. Just call me in the morning. Oh, and don’t tell my girlfriend.”


Travis and his girlfriend Jennifer live next door and we are all the same age. Her and I are acquaintances and I’ve spoken to him a handful of times in passing. Jennifer had my number in case of emergencies but I never gave it to Travis.

Shortly after getting off of the call I got a text:

“Member top secret:) so just text me when you can”

I asked once more why he woke me up in the middle of the night…

“Yes im just wantin to talk to somebody im just bein a retard textin my neighbor a lil buzzed up lol”

So romantic.

“Okay, when I get two calls like that in a row it really looks like an emergency. I am not okay with having a secret conversation or whatever, it’s just not appropriate. You know that or else you would not have asked me to keep it a secret. You should talk to Jennifer.”

Oh boy, was he quick on his feet! He immediately had a totally logical explanation for everything, of course.

“It wasn’t a secret conversation I needed a ride somewhere to suprise Jennifer with somethin but then I was like omg I can’t ask her for a ride if Jennifer wakes up she’ll think were doin somethin bad, but I’m just really wantin to go get donut country and suprise Jennifer with breakfast. I dont blame you but you took it the wrong way, but I can see why you did. You can tell her if you want cuz I wasn’t tryin to come over there and f*** you or even talk to you about anything like that.”

What a moron.

“Okay, Travis if that was all it was you should have just told me up front. But you didn’t. I asked why you called me twice in the middle of the night and asked me not to say anything, and you said you called because you wanted to talk & that you were buzzed did you not? There was no mention of donuts, but now that I said something there is so… Weird how that happened. But hey, I must have drawn some crazy lines there and come to the wrong conclusion. Have a good night.”

Man, I would kill for a boyfriend who would make another girl as uncomfortable as possible for a baked good. I wonder if Jennifer ever got those donuts.
Ms. Freak Magnet, Jr.

Dear Ms. Freak Magnet, Jr.,
I’m very sorry I passed ‘those’ genes on to you but at least you also got the genes that allow you to see through the bullcrap!! I’ll be looking forward to the next story as there is no immunization/antidote for it!
Mom aka Ms. Freak Magnet, Sr. aka Ms. DT