Spasmatic Pick-Up Lines

Compliments may be nice (it all depends on the source) but they are really just touching on the surface. I would rather be complimented by someone who takes the time to get to know me. It’s that ‘intellect’ thing I suffer from. The way to my heart is through my mind.

Yes, these have actually been said to me *twitch* *twitch*:

“You’re perfect. The only thing I would change about you is your last name.” Compliments of a married man who left his phone number on the windshield of my car. I threw up in my mouth just from repeating it.

“You are my dream girl. I’m in love with you.” Compliments of another married man conveyed over Facebook…didn’t know him…never met him. This one could also constitute as a ‘Lie Men Tell’.

“You are beautiful. Will you marry me?” You don’t even know me.

“What’s a beautiful woman like you doing single?” I’m too smart to fall for cheesy pick lines.

“You have bedroom eyes. I have a big bed. Do you want to have some fun?” I uttered a few curse words at this one.

“If I buy you lunch can I be your plate?” Again, I just threw up in my mouth.

“You’re a cutie.” I am too old to be cute.

“I am ‘the one’ for you. How about giving me a chance to prove it?” Really? Did you receive a text message from God, himself, telling you this? If you are ‘the one’, you wouldn’t have to prove it. Yet another one conveyed over Facebook.

“It’s been my life-long dream to see you naked. I probably won’t live much longer.” Compliments of a guy who has pursued me since elementary school and no, he’s not dying anytime soon unless his fiancé finds out.

“My mom died early this morning. If you come in for the funeral maybe we can hook up.” Compliments of a childhood friend who has been trying to convince me to have ‘sex with no strings attached’. And he gets the award for Sleaziest Pick-Up Line. $&@0!€ ¥%+#*£

“You could make any man turn his back on his religion and break his vows to his wife.” This was actually said to me by a co-worker years ago right before he tried to kiss me. This was a man who, on a daily basis, spoke about his devotion to God and his church and his love for his wife and 5 children. He meant this as a compliment. I, however, received it as an ugly insult. I do NOT want to be this person. How can a man who claims to be a Christian and love God and his family shame them like this?

more coming soon…(if I can get past the trauma of re-living them)

Please feel free to comment and share your own.

3 thoughts on “Spasmatic Pick-Up Lines

  1. A friend and I were writing about this just recently…here are some of the ones I have been approached with. Ack!

    (And apologizes in advance for the long comment!)

    Bad, bad. Do NOT use these on me:
    1) I think you accent is sexy. (Sighs at this one. I know it is meant well … but I’ve heard it one too many times. I sometimes think some men are only drawn to me because of where I am from and what I sound like when speaking .. and not for myself.)

    2) You have a nice ass. (Really?!!?!? Do I even need to explain this one??)

    3) More then a mouthful is a waste anyway. (This has actually been said to me about my errr … lack of bountifulness. Besides the fact that this is a horrid and an overly used saying … it is just really NOT the thing to say to impress someone you are trying to pick up.)

    4) My friends dared me to come over and ask for your number …. (Ack … I am a dare?)

  2. well hell, you mean these lines don’t acually work?? i thought i’d pick up something i could use here, but you’re telling me these are useless??

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